And life goes on...
You may now be asking yourself.....what about life now? Well, the simple answer is that it goes on anyway, whether you do anything about it or not. You can choose to let it pass you by, or you can grab it by the horns (sometimes with just one hand) and hang on for the ride of your life. Adversities can make or break you. It's in the choosing.
I continue to improve a little here and there, or maybe I'm just coping better. What does it really matter? I'm doing well, and have adjusted to what my life is now. In the here and now. And you know what? It's not so bad! I still have the occasional problem with controlling emotions....especially when I'm really tired, but I keep working on improving that. After divorcing my husband of 8 years (my decision because things had never been all that good between us), I'm doing a darn good job raising my daughter. She's happy and healthy, and is a very caring little girl. She's very smart, and accepting of people no matter their disability. And I'm very proud of her!
I'm able to take care of my home and yard. I can do many things I thought I'd never be able to do again, and it's not so noticeable when I have to do them in a different way. It's just the way it is, and it's OK. Life is "do-able". I think it's just that initial shock and period of adjustment that's the hardest part. Once you get over that hump, things get a lot better, life seems to get a little easier and you can finally let out your breath and sigh with a little relief. Life again seems to take on a sense of "normality", whatever that means......
Update June 2005: I took off on vacation in a rental car...just my daughter and me! We live in Southwest Missouri, and she had never seen the ocean! She also loves dolphins. I did some research and planned down to the last detail, a 10-day vacation to Texas! We drove to Louisiana to visit my aunt, then drove 10 hours to San Antonio to visit Sea World and see/pet a real, live dolphin and see other marine life. Then we drove down to Galveston where she got to play in the ocean. On the way home, we stopped off in Longview, TX to visit some family friends, then drove 10 hours home. I did all the driving myself! We had a very good time and I didn't have any stroke-related problems! We put 2100 miles on the car in 10 days and had a blast doing it!
When I announced I was going to do this, friends and family were surprised that I was going to do this with just myself and a 7 year-old! I never doubted I could do it. And I DID IT! We had a vacation that my little girl will remember the rest of her life!
Update June 2006: After having a stroke and the
related fun that goes along with it, getting divorced and become a
single parent, I wondered if I'd ever find love again. After all,
would any man want to take on that big of a challenge? The answer
is yes! I met a man who was a widowed father of three and a
retired Army drill sergeant. We
met almost two years ago, and the romance blossomed.
On his birthday in May, he
caught me off guard. We were having a surprise
birthday party for him. At least, I thought that's what we were
doing.
When everyone arrived, we sat at the table and he said, "Oh, I got your
Mother's day Present early." He slid over this stuffed monkey
holding a
small box in it's hands, and low and behold, there was an engagement
ring inside! Of course, I said, "Yes!" We were married June
2, 2006, in blue jeans (my idea) in my parent's back yard.
My daughter adores him, and I acquired
three boys in the deal! One just finished Army boot camp, one
just got his driving permit, and one is 7 months younger than
Hannah. They are all great kids, and our families have blended
wonderfully! Hannah loves having brothers, the boys like having a
mom, and the youngest loves having someone his age to play with!
I love them all dearly, and my new husband is also my best
friend! Interestingly, he has a disability, too. He has
relapsing/remitting MS (the same kind Montel Williams has). He is
still able to walk, but tires very
easily. He may end up in a wheelchair, but he won't die
from it. Compared to that, my stroke doesn't seem so bad after
all. Like I tell him a lot...walking is highly
overrated! The best thing is, though, that we
love and take care of each other and are raising the kids in a loving
home. Isn't that's what is important anyway?
William, Me, my Dad, my Mom--Wedding Day!
And that's the tall and short of it!
* * * *
Well, that's my story, my adventures, my
heart. I hope you found something helpful or maybe found some
strength you can draw from in all these words I have sent out on the
web.
And that's the tall and short of it!
* * * *
Maybe life seems sweeter now because, as a
survivor, you realize just how fragile life can be, and you made it
through. You can, you did and you will. Whatever it takes,
whatever comes along, you can survive...both joys and sorrows.
And so it
goes....life goes on!